Lonely Lover

“11 Our great desire is that you will keep on loving others as long as life lasts, in order to make certain that what you hope for will come true. 12 Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent. Instead, you will follow the example of those who are going to inherit God’s promises because of their faith and endurance.”

 Hebrews 7:11-12

You are not alone.

It is an amazing fact that you can feel isolated, alone and terribly vulnerable in a crowded room; have you experienced that?  For girls it normally starts on the playground, (I cannot comment for the male species,) girls can be so mean.  It can all start because she told her, and she told her, and she told everyone.  Ouch!  So, you make a decision which affects the rest of your life, you decide to keep your mouth shut on matters of the heart.  The sad thing is that some don’t only stop talking about them to their peers, they stop thinking about them completely, not even a quick line to the Lord about their feelings; they decided to stop talking about all things that they felt to everyone, complete shut down.  In this, we do not emulate Mary, who treasured the sacred moments she had with her son and Lord in her heart; we squash them down from shame, or fear of the shame of someone else knowing what you hold dearest.  So, when someone asks, “How are you?” you work over one your practised answers.  “I’m fine thanks, how are you?” – answer quickly and deflect to them; or maybe, “Blessed!” – make it about Jesus, and then you don’t have to talk about yourself; or “Grrreat!” – stealing Tony the Tigers tagline, cute, but still doesn’t give any real information on you.  Someone is asking about you, your heart, your mind, your life; why don’t we tell them?

Sin, it makes me sick to my stomach; not only does it hold us captive, but it stops us from “loving on” the Bride.  For a while, while we are keeping all our thought to ourselves we may feel like we have found the answer, but are we really satisfied?

“There is false and momentary happiness in self-satisfaction, but it always leads to sorrow because it narrows and deadens our spirit.  True happiness is found in unselfish love, a love which increases in proportion as it is shared.  There is no end to the sharing of love, and, therefore, the potential happiness of such love is without limit.  Infinite sharing is the law of God’s inner life. He has made the sharing of ourselves the law of our own being, so that it is in loving others that we best love ourselves.”  Thomas Merton, 1955.

(Thomas Merton makes me wanted to yell with indecipherable words; reading work like his makes me think the Lord should have made me a Lioness.)  Loving ourselves means loving others; that is surely not good math! Surely if I give away what I have, I have nothing left?  (Truth be told, either does Adam from dirt?  Our faith is not logical, but we still have it.)  Let’s suspend our disbelief for a moment and see where we go with it.

Let’s imagine that we are all a mirrors, and each mirror takes various forms; some are long, some are short, some have pretty frames and some are a bit chipped on the edges.  In our relationship, I will reflect you and you will reflect me.  On our mirrors we each have clean areas and dirty areas, areas of strength and areas of weakness, each mirror struggles in different areas.  It is when we reflect each other that we learn of these areas, that we are challenged to live holy lives.  If we stay off to the side, facing the proverbial wall, we will learn and be challenged from no one.  If we stay only with those who have the same issues as we do, we will think that they are normal and will not be challenged to change our behaviour.  Refusing to be in relationship is refusing to change; the love of Jesus is the response to our sin; do not become spiritually dull or indifferent, please!  I need you to be holy.  Our mirrors together, multiply the Light that we already have.  Have you seen the head of a flashlight (torch)?  It has a mirror around the bulb to multiply the light from the bulb; YOUR experience of Jesus enhances mine! (thanks guys :>)

I used to work in an office where there were two other girls like me, very tall females.  That would probably not be the first thought that came to mind when you saw the other two across the room; “hottie” or the like would probably precede any other thought you could have.  The three of us termed ourselves “Amazonian Women,” and the conversations about our height normally verged on the side of ridiculous, but they were valuable.  While I was with them, I wasn’t embarrassed about my height, wasn’t ashamed of being freakishly tall; I could not stand “head and shoulders” above my two friends, we were equals, give or take a ¼ of an inch.  Our equalling factor wasn’t anything that we did or liked, it was what we were that united us.

We are not linked by the kinds of sin we commit or the fears that we have; we are connected by the fact that we ARE loved by God.  We are linked by the fact that we ARE going to inherit God’s promises because we have faith and endurance.  Our faith is what allows us to believe, and our endurance is our act of devotion to Him.  Lovers do more than workers, workers are working for a pay check, lovers give their all, being with their beloved is reward enough.

You ARE NOT alone; so love yourself and others as long as your life lasts!  Be vulnerable, be in relationship, and push on to be holy.

Is perfection really that perfect?

“Tidy-ness is next to Godliness” is what my mother says; and while I may not embrace it as she would have me, I hear the words, and secretly I want everything to have a clean Rubbermaid box, (with the proper lid,) and a label on the front on of it describing exactly what is in it. I think Martha Stewart would like that too, and you know, in life, there is nothing like having the approval of Martha. I do love tidiness, it makes me feel very content and secure, especially when it’s my tidiness that is on display. When everything has its place, and is in that place, control is found in our lives. Control is a cover up, one that Maybelline would love to patent, because they too are selling the idea of perfection.

I’ve been thinking and I feel that my view of tidiness may need some serious tweaking. My ability to be tidy/or not, to be in control/or not, does not hinder my ability sin. Sometimes I will watch movies and covet the life of the lead female, only to realize that their well put together life is just a façade for a very lonely existence; I don’t know anyone in their right mind who wants to be alone. The most recent was Sandra Bullock in “The Proposal,” opening scenes had her working out in her perfect Upper Westside apartment, (with an incredible kitchen,) looking like a model from the Nike catalogue. Not that I am an expert on working out in my living room, but I don’t think that is reality, “normal” people don’t do that. Surely it would be more likely that she’d be wearing joggers with a bleach stain, an old t-shirt with a hole in the armpit and sneakers with burst air bubbles, that’s more like real life, right? All this would have been worth it if her life was flawless, but it wasn’t. It was filled with flaws; her discipline did not stop her from being inadequate in the same way that my discipline does not prohibit my sin. So why is such a dreadfully disciplined life esteemed? Discipline is not wrong, but if it robs us of the joy of our first love, (Revelation 2:3-5,) is it worth it? The appearance of perfection is not perfection; to covet a counterfeit is idolatry, and let’s face it, that’s just stupid.

If it was only our inappropriate discipline that held us back, we’d be doing well, but all the time that is going, we are also seeking the approval of another; again, so foolish. (I am sitting in condemnation as I write this,) especially when it compromises your own character. Who cares what Martha thinks; I am sure as soon as you read that line many of you thought, “Why Martha? She’s a jailbird!” The reason, because I admire her work as a home economist, and being that I admire her, I would like her approval; but what is that really worth? Would it improve my life by any degree? Would my life be any easier? No, it would be just as unlikely as it is for me to receive her approval, as it would be that my life would improve. Favour, as quickly as it is gained, it can be lost, so why the endless search for worldly approval; does not the scriptures speak on exactly this point? (Matthew 6:19-20)

Apart from that, perfection, whether to feel like you have control of your own life, or to gain another’s approval, robs you, and the Church. What does giving a false perception of your character do to the Church? Are they really seeing an authentic you? Apart from destroying an opportunity to keep you accountable for your issues, you are encouraging the lie that perfection is possible outside of Jesus. We fool ourselves and lie to the Church – how can that be admirable? How is that living an authentic life in Christ? It should not be the way a life surrendered to Christ lives. (Mhairi, are you listening?)

“20 You have died with Christ, and he has set you free from the spiritual powers of this world. So why do you keep on following the rules of the world, such as, 21 “Don’t handle! Don’t taste! Don’t touch!”? 22 Such rules are mere human teachings about things that deteriorate as we use them. 23 These rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, pious self-denial, and severe bodily discipline. But they provide no help in conquering a person’s evil desires.” Colossians 2:20-23

Be truth. In your faults, failings, successes, joys, sorrows and sin; be truthful. It will not only set you free, but countless others who look to you as an example of the living Christ; and people are watching, don’t fool yourself that you are any kind of island, you ain’t!

So, one day wear clothes that don’t match, walk in the rain without an umbrella, rock that frizzy hair – show your humanity; it can be so very attractive to an equally broken world. Reality shows are all the rage, live your own; tidy or untidy, clean or badly in need of some laundering, just be true.