New blog address

Lonely Lover

“11 Our great desire is that you will keep on loving others as long as life lasts, in order to make certain that what you hope for will come true. 12 Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent. Instead, you will follow the example of those who are going to inherit God’s promises because of their faith and endurance.”

 Hebrews 7:11-12

You are not alone.

It is an amazing fact that you can feel isolated, alone and terribly vulnerable in a crowded room; have you experienced that?  For girls it normally starts on the playground, (I cannot comment for the male species,) girls can be so mean.  It can all start because she told her, and she told her, and she told everyone.  Ouch!  So, you make a decision which affects the rest of your life, you decide to keep your mouth shut on matters of the heart.  The sad thing is that some don’t only stop talking about them to their peers, they stop thinking about them completely, not even a quick line to the Lord about their feelings; they decided to stop talking about all things that they felt to everyone, complete shut down.  In this, we do not emulate Mary, who treasured the sacred moments she had with her son and Lord in her heart; we squash them down from shame, or fear of the shame of someone else knowing what you hold dearest.  So, when someone asks, “How are you?” you work over one your practised answers.  “I’m fine thanks, how are you?” – answer quickly and deflect to them; or maybe, “Blessed!” – make it about Jesus, and then you don’t have to talk about yourself; or “Grrreat!” – stealing Tony the Tigers tagline, cute, but still doesn’t give any real information on you.  Someone is asking about you, your heart, your mind, your life; why don’t we tell them?

Sin, it makes me sick to my stomach; not only does it hold us captive, but it stops us from “loving on” the Bride.  For a while, while we are keeping all our thought to ourselves we may feel like we have found the answer, but are we really satisfied?

“There is false and momentary happiness in self-satisfaction, but it always leads to sorrow because it narrows and deadens our spirit.  True happiness is found in unselfish love, a love which increases in proportion as it is shared.  There is no end to the sharing of love, and, therefore, the potential happiness of such love is without limit.  Infinite sharing is the law of God’s inner life. He has made the sharing of ourselves the law of our own being, so that it is in loving others that we best love ourselves.”  Thomas Merton, 1955.

(Thomas Merton makes me wanted to yell with indecipherable words; reading work like his makes me think the Lord should have made me a Lioness.)  Loving ourselves means loving others; that is surely not good math! Surely if I give away what I have, I have nothing left?  (Truth be told, either does Adam from dirt?  Our faith is not logical, but we still have it.)  Let’s suspend our disbelief for a moment and see where we go with it.

Let’s imagine that we are all a mirrors, and each mirror takes various forms; some are long, some are short, some have pretty frames and some are a bit chipped on the edges.  In our relationship, I will reflect you and you will reflect me.  On our mirrors we each have clean areas and dirty areas, areas of strength and areas of weakness, each mirror struggles in different areas.  It is when we reflect each other that we learn of these areas, that we are challenged to live holy lives.  If we stay off to the side, facing the proverbial wall, we will learn and be challenged from no one.  If we stay only with those who have the same issues as we do, we will think that they are normal and will not be challenged to change our behaviour.  Refusing to be in relationship is refusing to change; the love of Jesus is the response to our sin; do not become spiritually dull or indifferent, please!  I need you to be holy.  Our mirrors together, multiply the Light that we already have.  Have you seen the head of a flashlight (torch)?  It has a mirror around the bulb to multiply the light from the bulb; YOUR experience of Jesus enhances mine! (thanks guys :>)

I used to work in an office where there were two other girls like me, very tall females.  That would probably not be the first thought that came to mind when you saw the other two across the room; “hottie” or the like would probably precede any other thought you could have.  The three of us termed ourselves “Amazonian Women,” and the conversations about our height normally verged on the side of ridiculous, but they were valuable.  While I was with them, I wasn’t embarrassed about my height, wasn’t ashamed of being freakishly tall; I could not stand “head and shoulders” above my two friends, we were equals, give or take a ¼ of an inch.  Our equalling factor wasn’t anything that we did or liked, it was what we were that united us.

We are not linked by the kinds of sin we commit or the fears that we have; we are connected by the fact that we ARE loved by God.  We are linked by the fact that we ARE going to inherit God’s promises because we have faith and endurance.  Our faith is what allows us to believe, and our endurance is our act of devotion to Him.  Lovers do more than workers, workers are working for a pay check, lovers give their all, being with their beloved is reward enough.

You ARE NOT alone; so love yourself and others as long as your life lasts!  Be vulnerable, be in relationship, and push on to be holy.

Is perfection really that perfect?

“Tidy-ness is next to Godliness” is what my mother says; and while I may not embrace it as she would have me, I hear the words, and secretly I want everything to have a clean Rubbermaid box, (with the proper lid,) and a label on the front on of it describing exactly what is in it. I think Martha Stewart would like that too, and you know, in life, there is nothing like having the approval of Martha. I do love tidiness, it makes me feel very content and secure, especially when it’s my tidiness that is on display. When everything has its place, and is in that place, control is found in our lives. Control is a cover up, one that Maybelline would love to patent, because they too are selling the idea of perfection.

I’ve been thinking and I feel that my view of tidiness may need some serious tweaking. My ability to be tidy/or not, to be in control/or not, does not hinder my ability sin. Sometimes I will watch movies and covet the life of the lead female, only to realize that their well put together life is just a façade for a very lonely existence; I don’t know anyone in their right mind who wants to be alone. The most recent was Sandra Bullock in “The Proposal,” opening scenes had her working out in her perfect Upper Westside apartment, (with an incredible kitchen,) looking like a model from the Nike catalogue. Not that I am an expert on working out in my living room, but I don’t think that is reality, “normal” people don’t do that. Surely it would be more likely that she’d be wearing joggers with a bleach stain, an old t-shirt with a hole in the armpit and sneakers with burst air bubbles, that’s more like real life, right? All this would have been worth it if her life was flawless, but it wasn’t. It was filled with flaws; her discipline did not stop her from being inadequate in the same way that my discipline does not prohibit my sin. So why is such a dreadfully disciplined life esteemed? Discipline is not wrong, but if it robs us of the joy of our first love, (Revelation 2:3-5,) is it worth it? The appearance of perfection is not perfection; to covet a counterfeit is idolatry, and let’s face it, that’s just stupid.

If it was only our inappropriate discipline that held us back, we’d be doing well, but all the time that is going, we are also seeking the approval of another; again, so foolish. (I am sitting in condemnation as I write this,) especially when it compromises your own character. Who cares what Martha thinks; I am sure as soon as you read that line many of you thought, “Why Martha? She’s a jailbird!” The reason, because I admire her work as a home economist, and being that I admire her, I would like her approval; but what is that really worth? Would it improve my life by any degree? Would my life be any easier? No, it would be just as unlikely as it is for me to receive her approval, as it would be that my life would improve. Favour, as quickly as it is gained, it can be lost, so why the endless search for worldly approval; does not the scriptures speak on exactly this point? (Matthew 6:19-20)

Apart from that, perfection, whether to feel like you have control of your own life, or to gain another’s approval, robs you, and the Church. What does giving a false perception of your character do to the Church? Are they really seeing an authentic you? Apart from destroying an opportunity to keep you accountable for your issues, you are encouraging the lie that perfection is possible outside of Jesus. We fool ourselves and lie to the Church – how can that be admirable? How is that living an authentic life in Christ? It should not be the way a life surrendered to Christ lives. (Mhairi, are you listening?)

“20 You have died with Christ, and he has set you free from the spiritual powers of this world. So why do you keep on following the rules of the world, such as, 21 “Don’t handle! Don’t taste! Don’t touch!”? 22 Such rules are mere human teachings about things that deteriorate as we use them. 23 These rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, pious self-denial, and severe bodily discipline. But they provide no help in conquering a person’s evil desires.” Colossians 2:20-23

Be truth. In your faults, failings, successes, joys, sorrows and sin; be truthful. It will not only set you free, but countless others who look to you as an example of the living Christ; and people are watching, don’t fool yourself that you are any kind of island, you ain’t!

So, one day wear clothes that don’t match, walk in the rain without an umbrella, rock that frizzy hair – show your humanity; it can be so very attractive to an equally broken world. Reality shows are all the rage, live your own; tidy or untidy, clean or badly in need of some laundering, just be true.

Been circumcised recently?

^"27The one who is not circumcised physically and yet obeys the law will condemn you who, even though you have the written code and circumcision, are a lawbreaker.
 ²⁸A man is not a Jew if he is only one outwardly, nor is circumcision merely outward and physical. ²⁹No, a man is a Jew if he is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code. Such a man's praise is not from men, but from God."
Romans 2:27-29

I was in church in Scotland a couple of weeks ago, a woman had asked to give her testimony; I love testimony time, next to prayer time, testimony time is my favourite.  I love to hear the stories that God is writing.  So this woman stood up, spoke her word and sat back down and I thought, "God, I love Your church!" 

It was almost immediately I realized that this was not so true, as I thought how if I had any kind of disagreement with anyone at the end of the service my tune would quickly change.  Why?  Because the love I felt for the church was a feeling I had in the moment, not a decision I had made as a result of my obedience.  We say all the time, "I love -fill in the blank-" but do we, do I?  What or who do we really love, and do we love through choice, or because we are feeling that way?The truth is, we love feeling good, whatever makes us feel good, that's what we love.  Feelings are so transient, we cannot rely on them as a thermostat for how our life is going; our feelings are NOT reality.  This woman's testimony made me feel good, and so, life was good; what if she was talking non-sense?  Would my life then be non-sense? Would I have felt the same?  Well, no.  Would God have been any less real? Nope, nope, nope.

Sometimes when I'm having a smart day, I'll download teaching from iTunes instead of the recent Black Eyed Peas, the teaching will normally be from Beth Moore, (actually, only from Beth Moore) and then on even smarter days, I listen to it. On this particular teaching, (Esther,) Beth was saying that when we are validated through others, we have a greater need for it, and rely less on God, until it escalates where it's all about others validation and not about our identity in God.  Well, it wasn't genius, it was simple, something I had heard time and time again, and yet, it hit me between the eyes; it was the Word for the moment.

I think of that in light of social networking sites, media systems, etc; we are constantly being stimulated; how often do we check our e-mails, texts, facebook?  Daily?  Hourly?  Or worse...?  The whole being still and knowing He is God is often so far from our mind-set, and the worst lie of all that we tell ourselves and others in the midst of our being busy, "we are being productive for the sake of the Kingdom..."  NON-SENSE! Have you heard about the seventh day of creation recently?...

The Word says that circumcision is not merely physical, but spiritual, therefore our work should not all be justifiable for the sake of man, but for the sake of God; no physical evidence required, heart circumcised?  If  the answer is yes, then you're done; you cannot prove yourself to man, so give over trying!  It's not about how the world makes you feel, but how the Lord does.  Just 'cause you can own a pair of sneakers does not mean that you can run marathons!  I've busied myself with Kingdom business all day, and all day, ignored Him completely.  Talk about a loser!

The evidence of your circumcision will be in your testimony; what is your testimony?  Try telling Him first, before you even consider blogging it.  You don't have to prove your holiness when you are holy, it radiates, no matter how you feel.

Gently, softly

Ecclesiastes 2:24-25

"24 A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, 25 for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment?"

Bright eyed and bushy tailed we left Davidson hall, our destination, Ocean County Citadel, NJ. Our journey would span many more years than the two hours plus traffic, it would take us to reach Ocean County; we were on our way to visit officers from years gone by. "What good can come of a group of youth workers going to meet the old retireds?"

The Retired Officers Fellowship which meets in South Jersey has members whose officership has taken them all over the world. Commissioners, Colonels, Lt. Colonels & Majors, indistinguishable in their civilian clothing, only recognized for their faithful service when they would joke with one another, "Well, Commissioner, what do you think?" "Major, stop talking I can't hear the question!" It was beautiful, true joy; it was difficult not to be taken up into it all. As we sat at lunch discussing life, they would share about their grandchildren and they could not help but show their pride in them as their discussed their various achievements. These men and women were about people.

Neither of my grandparents, nor my parents were officers, and yet there was a connectedness I felt towards these heroes. I think it was their Grandparentness. ;)My Papa Davie always has a smell of strong tea about him, that and Old Spice. My Wee Gran, smelled like Oil of Olay, what happy smells those are for me. Needless to say, both are common to the generation I found myself in. And then there are their hands.

My Wee Gran had very veiny hands, I used to play with her hands as she was sitting, it amazed me that her hands had so much extra skin on the back of them; I would sit and move it around, always falling back into the place it had begun. I loved her hands; they were workers hands. She baked dumpling (fruit cake)and bathed weans (children)with those hands, peeled apples and combed hair. She was a silly Wee Gran, she would pretend to be the Incredible Hulk; she was amazing. We, (my brother, sister and I,) would sit at her feet as she peeled apples and oranges for us to eat, cutting them into bitesized pieces. She was a wonder; when my siblings and I were naughty, she would tell us that she was taking my Mammie back to Sunny Bellshill ;) We would greet, (cry) she would giggle and then get a row from my Mammie. My Wee Gran had the same joy the Retired Officers have, contagious. No one ever said, "I don't want to go to Wee Gran's!" Everyone moved as quickly as possible to get there as soon as possible.

All of my ministry has been focused on youth work; I've heard many catchy phrases about "youth being the Army of today"; "the youth are not the future, they are the Army of the now!" All of it is true, I'm not turning my coat, but I feel strongly, that the Army of yesterday is equally the Army of today and that they have much to teach us young whipper-snappers; I'd give anything for their wisdom and knowledge, for their intimacy with Jesus and their hands; their wrinkly hands...

What good can come of a group of youth workers going to visit with the old retireds? Joy, highly contagious joy.

What's your temperature?

It has been 5 months since I lasted blogged, and as I type this, I have a thermometer hanging out of my mouth because I'm sick; and quite sick and tired of being sick.

Since being sick I've watched 3 episodes of October Road, 3 episodes of Lost and I've lost count how many episodes of Faith & Hope that I have watched. Surely there must be a better use of my time?

As a sit around in my pj's I get annoyed with the fatigue that I feel; I get hungry but don't want to cook; I'm tired, but I'm fed up sleeping! What seems to be the absolute worst is that I have myself for company! Could I please escape this apartment? Nope, not yet at least. So I take my temperature, when I'm really bored, every half hour. I know I'm not that sick, because my temperature hasn't been higher than 101 degrees Fahrenheit, praise God; the whole temperature taking thing merely seems to be a source of entertainment for me. Which makes me think... a dangerous sport for any opinionated individual, what is my spiritual temperature? How would I even know how to take it? What is the spiritual thermometer?

Prayer. I believe that the spiritual thermometer is our prayer life. Can you answer the following questions?

1. Do I pray or do I whine out loud?
2. Do I give God my 'shopping list' and then turn in for the night?
3. Do I make time to listen to God?
4. Do I hear God?
5. Do I read the bible?
6. Do I practise spiritual disciplines?
7. Do I receive correction when necessary?

Jesus says,

2The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. 3The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. John 10:2-4

If we know His voice, then we follow Him and if we follow Him, we're all good! We're being disciplined by Jesus! Hallelujah! The key; to know His voice. How do we know His voice? We listen to it, through the bible! The more we know Him through His Word, the more we will be able to see Him through His actions. When you don't know someone you can't predict what they are going to do in a given situation; you don't know them, you expect nothing from them. When you know what someone is capable of, you expect more, much, much more.

God is impressing on me a desire for truth, after all, it's what sets people free! Being that Jesus is the Truth, surely if I knew Him I would know truth? When we know what is true, we spot what is false so much quicker.

Revelation 3:15-17 (MSG)
15-17"I know you inside and out, and find little to my liking. You're not cold, you're not hot—far better to be either cold or hot! You're stale. You're stagnant. You make me want to vomit. You brag, 'I'm rich, I've got it made, I need nothing from anyone,' oblivious that in fact you're a pitiful, blind beggar, threadbare and homeless.

Stale and stagnant, I was reading about stagnancy today;

"To illustrate, let me share a story I once heard involving two artists who were asked to paint pictures of peace as they perceived it. One painted a quiet, still lake, far back in the mountains. The other painted a raging, rushing waterfall which had a birch tree leaning out over t with a bird resting in a nest on one of the branches.

Which truly depicts peace? The second one does, because there is no such thing as peace without opposition. The first painting represents stagnation. The scene it sets forth may be serene; a person might be motivated to want to go there to recuperate. It may offer a pretty picture, but it does not depict the rest of God."

In scripture when we are instructed to be still and know that He is God, (Psalm 46:10) still is a verb; it's a doing word; (as Miss Thomson taught me!) it is not stagnant. I can't think of stagnant without thinking of nasty water, we have living water, (John 4.) We cast our cares upon Him, (Psalm 55:22) in the knowledge that He is God and He has it under control.

Do not be stagnant in your faith, do not be luke warm! In the Salvation Army we sing about sending the fire, how about we sing about sending a fever?

Big Mac